Posts tagged thea
Posts tagged thea
no, literally.. he’s perfect. it’s like he stepped out of a classic movie.
so it’s 8am. and i have to pee. really bad.
but i can’t coz josh is tangled up with me. like he has been. all night.
help. i really need to pee. lol and all i can do is post about it coz his legs and arms are around me and he’s breathing on my neck and i cannot find the strength to wake him up.
i don’t know how to fucking feel!
i wanna cry and punch a wall and curl up in a ball.
FUCK THIS DAY.
i think what it comes down to is no matter what road i take and no matter how hard it is to go through, all of them will lead to him.. everytime.
things i’ve learned: people will disappoint you. and it can come from the only person you trust with your life.
trusts can be broken. easily. in a matter of seconds. and everything you built will mean nothing.
you can forgive. it’s hard, but it’s worth it.
when you love someone, you do anything and everything to make them happy. their happiness is above yours and that’s how you know it’s real.
life is hard. but you make yourself better, stronger. you push through and you do things right.
and ultimately: you decide your fate.
happy moments don’t last very long. so when they do, cherish them and enjoy every minute because when they’re done, they’re the only thing that will keep you moving forward..
this is hard to admit, but i think i need to go back to therapy.. i have a problem and i was doing really good for a while but then things got hard and i can’t anymore.
i thought i can do this, and for a while, i did do it.. i don’t know what happened.
i’m not as strong as i used to be and that’s what kills me.
i’m so fucking in love.
god damn it.
SO MANY FEELS!
today, we had an improvisation in debate class. i was given the topic of gay marriage. i held my tears in til i got done with my speech. it was only a minute, but it was the hardest minute of my life: talking about how two people who love each other cannot be together coz they’re the same gender. i cried as soon as i was done. in front of strangers. i’m not one to cry. i’m tough. but i just lost it.
longest 6 minutes of my life.
i should’ve built stronger walls.
tonight in french class, a friend and i were drawing on each other. he drew on my back and i drew on his arm. after i was done, he said ‘you can see my scars’ and i asked, ‘what are you talking about?’
he pointed out some all too familiar scar lines on his wrists and had told me that for sucide awareness day, him and his friend had written LOVE in huge letters to cover them up. i look at my own wrist and said ‘i don’t have any,’ and he replied, ‘you don’t need any,’ confused, i asked, ‘what?’ and what he said made my heart so heavy that i wanted to cry: ‘you’re pretty, and you’re straight. you don’t need any. try being gay,’
i was quiet for a second and all i wanted was to cry for two reasons. one: gay or not, you should NEVER EVER be bullied. two: he is amazing and gorgeous, and for someone to hurt him or make him feel unhappy in any way to the point of self mutilation just crushed me.
NO ONE should ever make anyone feel inferior.
NO ONE should make you feel like you should be less than yourself.
no matter what you are going through, you are loved. you should never harm yourself. someone cares about you and your well-being.
i know, i’ve been there.
i may not have the scars to prove it, but i have tried. many times.
but i got through it. and you will too.
it will get better, i promise.